This site is mainly for women going through an unwanted divorce that is high conflict in nature and that includes child custody. Over the years, I have spoken with numerous women who have varied experiences with high conflict divorce cases. I will be sharing their stories over time so that others may benefit. In all cases, the children have been put in the middle, mercilessly, by their ex-husband and the outcomes have left the children fragmented. The family law court system has failed these children without a doubt. It has been truly devastating to hear some of the stories. In my continued studies, I have read other countless stories of how the family law court system has been as merciless on the children stuck in the middle as the ex-spouse who is using the children as pons in a game of chess. Some women have actually walked away from their children because of the domestic violence permitted and encouraged by the family law system. It is a difficult cycle to break when family law judges are ordering the domestic violence to continue. The children are actually becoming acclimated to parental alienation and the syndrome created. And as a result, we are seeing more cutting, attempted suicides, murders, use of psychiatric medications, and other issues among our youth.
I am a Christian and so in addition to providing information regarding California laws, rules and codes pertaining to divorce and custody issues, I may use language that is religious in nature. I will be providing articles, research and my own education and personal experience on issues that involve high conflict divorce and child custody. I will also present information and links that is supportive from a Christian perspective. I do not boast in being an authority on Christian thought, so my suggestion is to take everything I present to scripture or a Biblically-sound mentor, pastor or friend to make sure that what I am presenting lines up with the truth found in the Bible.
Unwanted divorce is already a very difficult life change and experience. If you are in this situation, my heart goes out to you. The children will inevitably be put in the middle and if there is bitterness involved from past hurts, egos will likely take charge and ongoing battles will ensue, leaving a path of destruction. All are wounded in high conflict divorce and child custody, especially the children. Hearts are hardened to compete for "the win," which most of the time revolves around money, not really the children.
If your ex-spouse is really bitter, you may be set up before you know you are getting divorced. You ex-spouse may become your best friend and tell you they are helping you, when, in fact, they are planning your next fall. Unfortunately there are groups for men that get together to strategize ways to make sure they don't have to pay child support. I actually met a man who said he had written such a book for men, though I cannot verify it since I didn't see the book myself. With that said, be wise but don't get so worried that you become paranoid. The focus is on loving your children and providing your best with whatever time you have with them. I can't repeat "don't waste any moment with your children" enough.
If you have an ex-spouse who is not bitter and is honestly working with you, then you likely do not have a high conflict divorce issue and this is a huge blessing. Hopefully there might be a chance for reconciliation in the future. This site does provide codes, rules, and laws for divorce and child custody, so it could still be helpful. However, I would recommend you visit your local city courthouse for their latest and updated information just in case I don't update this site. Most courthouses provide a help desk and handouts with phone numbers of people to contact for additional assistance.
If you are a Christian, my prayer is for God to soften your hearts so that you can both access His solutions to what has divided you. God's plan for marriage has no end date.
A big prayer for your children! They are so naive and impressionable. They love both parents and when parents remarry, they love all new parents and extended families. They don't only have to deal with the loss of their original family but the physical and social changes, added responsibilities of growing up and worldly pressures and expectations. Parenting already does not come with a degree nor does it come with cliff notes or cheat sheets. So read up, ask questions of those who have more experience, or take some parenting classes. There are also churches that provide support for parenting.
Find ways to relax, steal moments of joy, eat healthy, exercise, get enough sleep, and cherish every second with your child or children!
Joyfully,
Ashley
Ashley Osier got her master's degree at John F. Kennedy University first in Somatic Psychology and finishing in Holistic Health Education. She is a certified Stress Management Practitioner and has a passion to help others decrease stress in their lives through practical applications. She has been studying various perspectives on the matter since 2009, applying these to her degrees and certifications in working with others. In 2012 Ashley started Lovenprose, an aspect of her business that focuses on loving, encouraging, protecting and serving women and children of all ages. Lovenprose is still a work in progress as she actively supports women and children in varied capacities. Ashley can be contacted for supportive services via email at: inthechildrensbestinterest@gmail.com. You can visit her business website for more information.
