The Board of Psychology Finally Ordered our Recommending Mediator to Surrender her License!

This took five years, but it was worth the wait, sort of. I will get to that later, but the news that the BOP took notice of the MANY complaints coming in against this therapist (PsyD and professing catholic, mind you!) was massive!!

If you are experiencing devastation from a therapist, special master, recommending mediator, co-parenting therapist, or evaluator, know that you have options! It may take a long time, but it is worth it. Our recommending mediator ended up being investigated by the State Attorney General after the BOP ordered her to surrender her license in the state of California and, sadly, she was able to bargain her way out of any further court hearings against her (one being my case...yep...another parent's case already had taken her down before mine ever got a chance to be heard in court). That's okay. If she tries to reinstate her license in the state of California, she has to pay $32,000 in fines, which is nothing compared to what she would have to pay in damages to the families she destroyed.

Know that when something like this occurs, the records are made public and other publications may be available. I am including what I can here so you can see what this would look like and how you might go about researching people you are working with and any issues that may need to be reported.

Board of Psychology Complaint forms 

American Psychology Association Complaint forms

Dr. Belinda Jo Lopes: Family Court Child Custody Evaluator Accused of Misconduct Surrenders Psychologist License (April 14, 2022) Link  

When I wrote my complaint originally in 2016, it was an exhaustive process and I couldn't finish it. But when I was contacted by this other parent, via YELP of all places, and he connected me to ANOTHER parent who had been abused by this same recommending mediator, I was given a bit more energy to press forward to write my complaint...500 pages!!!! That is how many documentable and factual Exhibits I had proving how much she used my children and partnered with my ex-husband. It is still shocking to think how deliberate she was with her choices. I believe there were a minimum of six parents who had filed complaints against her and up to a dozen. We still don't know exactly how many of us there were. 

So don't give up hope and keep pressing forward if you find you are dealing with someone who is abusing their position of power. Some examples of this might look like the following:

1. Calls from other parent are taken on a Sunday in the evening (past close of business/after hours)

2. Your children are seen by the RM without your knowledge.

3. Your children are given information about the RM decisions before the RM discloses it to you/the parents.

4. The RM tells you that they are the law and that you must follow what they say and not what the court or the police tell you.

5. The other parents' friends or family members show up at the office of the therapist, RM, SM, or evaluator who is working on your current case and there is active conflict already.

6. The RM tells you that you cannot choose a parent/child therapist unless the RM agrees to that person.

7. The RM is unable or unwilling to provide detailed documentation of what they have been charging you for.

8. The RM signs documents with the other parent that have been changed, without your knowledge, and that you were never sent to review or talk about.

9. The RM sends you a text that is meant for the other parent and it talks about "managing" the children or that the children are starting to question the RM authority.

10. The RM texts you saying they couldn't email you back as it was a holiday week, but sent you a text that was meant for the other parent the night before the holiday (same week).

11. The RM charges you for filing documents that the other parent says they took to the courthouse and filed.

12. The RM denegrades you in front of your children with the other parent present.

13. The RM violates the court order, violates the court order in front of the children, violates the court order using the children, or tells the children in front of both parents that what she is doing isn't violating the court order (court orders are not suppose to be discussed in front of the children).

14. The RM shows up at your court hearing, without you telling them when your hearing was or which room it was in, and complains about you to the judge about fees you haven't paid, and even though there is a clear client/RM conflict, the court allows the RM to remain on the case (this is when you realize that the court is participating/contributing in/to the abuse of power).

15. The RM calls CPS as leverage to take the children away from you (when there is no reasonable criteria to call CPS).

16. The RM determines it to be appropriate to act as the child therapist instead of referring out so there is no conflict of interest.

The list goes on. Sometimes it is simply a lack of ability, but in some cases, it truly is misconduct and needs to be dealt with as soon as you can muster up the energy. I believe we have seven years to file a complaint. I thought it was only a year, but I was told it was much longer. One of the other parents took his poor child to another country because of the damage this RM caused him and his child. It is amazing how much power some of these family law-related people have in our lives once we open the divorce door and let them take over our custody decisions.

One co-parenting therapist we had was considered to be one of the best and she had a really hard time sticking to her boundaries with my ex and containing a safe and therapeutic environment in her office (lack of ability). I ended up telling her that if she didn't think she could maintain a safe space for everyone involved, that I needed her to refer us to someone who could. That is when we ended up with a Special Master. Oh the stories!! I do believe thought that she tried, but it was hard to keep up with my ex's confusion tactics. He was really good at it! I just wish he used those smarts for better purposes.

With all this said, there are forms that detail rules of conduct for each worker. The Special Master and Recommending Mediator both have such detailed rules of conduct. I believe that California has since stopped using RM's, but don't quote me on that. Fact check me. The rules of conduct still should be out there on the web though. Google it and let me know. If you have concerns about what your therapist, RM, SM, mediator, or evaluator is doing or not doing, try to look up some of these rules of conduct for each title and see what you find. Set up an initial meeting, which you should not be charged for when discussing your concerns about conduct or fees, and make sure to have the rules of conduct codes written down and clearly state how they have been violated/over stepped. An ethical and professional worker will go over your concerns with you and figure out a solution. Someone who is abusing their position of power will get angry, refuse to discuss it, try to charge you, not let you get a word in, blameshift, and the like to escape admitting any wrongdoing.

Your job is to start the resolution process with your RM or mediator or therapist (whomever you are working with) and document it just in case you need to file a complaint down the road. Unfortunately this is just a reality we have to deal with. The same issue comes up with attorneys, but gosh they sure are difficult to deal with once they mess up, lol!! Stay focused, stay positive, stay hopeful, and surround yourself with people who can be encouraging and uplifting.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, 12 "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to him that is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken."

Proverbs 11:14 "Where there is no guidance the people fall, But in abundance of counselors there is victory."

2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love, and of a sound mind."

Joyfully for God's glory,

Ashley

A Sobering Look at Family Law Court Practices

 In 2019, I was contacted by another parent who was filing a complaint against the recommending mediator I had used. He shared shocking information with me about his case and encouraged me to file a complaint against the recommending mediator. More on that in another post.

After talking for some time, he asked if I had heard of and watched the documentary called Divorce Corp, a documentary that (taken from the video details itself) "uncovers how children are torn from their homes, unlicensed custody evaluators extort money, and abusive judges play god with people’s lives while enriching their friends. This explosive documentary reveals the family courts as unregulated, extra-constitutional fiefdoms. Rather than assist victims of domestic crimes, these courts often precipitate them. And rather than help parents and children move on, as they are mandated to do, these courts - and their associates - drag out cases for years, sometimes decades, ultimately resulting in a rash of social ills, including home foreclosure, bankruptcy, suicide and violence. Solutions to the crisis are sought out in countries where divorce is handled in a more holistic manner." (see link to watch documentary below)

I had never seen or heard of this documentary and it had already been 10 years since my case started. I went ahead and watched it with my husband and we were horrified! I was heartbroken for my children and for so many other children who have been used by these people in power. If more parents could see this when they were considering filing for divorce, I wondered if it would make a difference on how they approached the divorce itself. You can imagine how difficult it is for children who are used in this abusive and manipulative manner to feel whole and healthy, much less be able to function well and make positive choices as they are trying to grapple with the basics of growing up through childhood. It is absolutely devastating to consider!!

So here is my plea. If you or someone you know is considering divorce, please have them watch this documentary. We actually paid the $4.00 to buy it, but I'm sure it is either free or nominal to rent. I am including the link here. I would be interested in hearing what others think about the documentary and if it would make a difference on your choices for filing for divorce or fighting for custody within the family law system.

Folks, our children are worth so much more! If there is any way to keep them out of this system, let's try to work together to make this happen. If you want help and I can provide some support or prayer, please reach out. As adults, we can do better for our children, especially when seemingly qualified people in power positions are making money off of us and our kids while we are overstressed, overwhelmed, and depleted of time, resources and finances.

I am praying for resolutions, healing, miracles, restoration, redemption, and sanctification where it is applicable. May God be with all of us as we navigate these treacherous waters.

Joyfully for God's glory,

Ashley

Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things." nkjv

Mark 9:42 "Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it is better for him if a heavy millstone is hung around his neck and he is thrown into the sea." nasb

What Forms to Fill Out When Filing for Divorce

Recently I was contacted by my pastor to help out a sister in Christ with her divorce situation. It was unfortunate that she was in the position of having to file for divorce, but she had done everything she could on her part and after years of counsel and guidance by the pastors, it was time. But she didn't have the money to hire an attorney and she didn't know where to start or what forms to file.

When she asked me how much it would cost and mentioned $500.00, I laughed and made a comment about my ex-husband never spending that much money to file for divorce with me. Boy was I surprised and saddened, again, at the lengths people go to end a marriage. I'm sure the courts have a high price tag as a deterrent, yet it has been recorded that 2,400 divorces are filed each day in the United States (see references below [1]). When I went to look it up, it was between $435-450 to file(ref [2]). That does not include copies you have to pay for or any stamps needed for sending copies.

The basic forms include

FL 100, 105, 110, 115, 120, 160(may not be needed, but it is determined by your situation), 311. You can check out the details on my reference 2 link and click on the different forms to check them out. They also have a list with details, like a cheat sheet, that might be helpful.

If you need to add a Declaration, meaning additional information that will support your case, you will likely want the MC 030 form. If you have "Exhibits", which would be like a police report, receipts, text messages, doctors notes, video on cd (yep), journal study on a particular point you are arguing for, you will include those Exhibits in your Declaration, make it succinct and clear, and then add those Exhibits after your Declaration.

If you want me to give more specifics on any of these forms, please let me know and I can put together another blog post.

Some sites have templates you can fill out online and then print. MAKE SURE TO DELETE WHAT YOU HAVE ENTERED SO IT IS REMOVED FROM THE WIFI NETWORK. This will ensure your privacy and protection, just in case you have a hacker on your hands.

Looking at all of these forms may be overwhelming. It is. I believe it is meant to be this way for a reason. Divorce isn't to be taken lightly and God isn't pro-divorce. But there are circumstances when it is necessary and Biblically sound. If you can get help filling out the forms, great. The courthouse often has a department where they have people who can assist you but they won't give you "legal" advice. There are some places that will charge a nominal fee. You can check in your area and see if that is an option. I did find an organization that charged $25, but I never ended up using them. I don't remember the name, but I can try and look them up. I often went with an attorney that offered consultation at a very discounted price and then I filled out all of the paperwork myself. When I actually had to go to court, oftentimes I had an attorney go with me because my panic attacks were bad to effectively represent myself in court. That did change with Zoom court hearings though. I found them to be much easier to represent myself. And I did the last three years of my custody battling.

I did use a prepaid legal service and I have listed two references below that you can check out (ref [3,4]). My attorney was not the best, but he won my case and I was thankful. The services are at a discounted rate, which might be helpful.

Whatever you do and whenever you are doing it, BE PRAYERFUL. 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18 reminds us to "Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." and Philippians 4:6 says: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."

TRUST GOD. Proverbs 3:5-6 says: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths." This was my go-to scripture and continues to be when difficulties arise that are overwhelming to understand.

BE WISE. James 4:3 says: "You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions." Sometimes we want things that are not in the children's best interest, are not a part of God's plan, and might just be selfish or wrong. So pray about what you want, take it to scripture and talk to someone who knows God's word to make sure you are lining up with God before you make big decisions. 

Remember that the battle for our children and marriage(if you are hoping to remain married at some point) is not of flesh in blood, but a spiritual battle. Ephesians 6:12 says: "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 says: For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.

1 Peter 5:8 says: Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

The battle is real folks. If you are here and don't believe in Jesus Christ or the Bible, I was once you, so I understand. But I am here to tell you there is a spiritual battle going on, it is real, the consequences are brutal, and our children's souls are at risk. God will fight for you! He loves you and your children. He is for you not against you. His redemptive love is greater than any worldy stronghold you might have going on in your life. Don't believe worldly lies. God IS greater.

Sending everyone lost of love and prayers as you navigate this challenging season. Please reach out if you have questions or feedback. I believe all of my contact info is up to date.

Joyfully for God's glory,

Ashley

References

1. https://canterburylawgroup.com/divorce-statistics-rates/#:~:text=Facts%20About%20Divorce,that%20ends%20with%20a%20divorce.

2. https://selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/divorce-forms

3. https://www.legalshield.com/

4. https://www.araglegal.com/individuals