The Board of Psychology Finally Ordered our Recommending Mediator to Surrender her License!

This took five years, but it was worth the wait, sort of. I will get to that later, but the news that the BOP took notice of the MANY complaints coming in against this therapist (PsyD and professing catholic, mind you!) was massive!!

If you are experiencing devastation from a therapist, special master, recommending mediator, co-parenting therapist, or evaluator, know that you have options! It may take a long time, but it is worth it. Our recommending mediator ended up being investigated by the State Attorney General after the BOP ordered her to surrender her license in the state of California and, sadly, she was able to bargain her way out of any further court hearings against her (one being my case...yep...another parent's case already had taken her down before mine ever got a chance to be heard in court). That's okay. If she tries to reinstate her license in the state of California, she has to pay $32,000 in fines, which is nothing compared to what she would have to pay in damages to the families she destroyed.

Know that when something like this occurs, the records are made public and other publications may be available. I am including what I can here so you can see what this would look like and how you might go about researching people you are working with and any issues that may need to be reported.

Board of Psychology Complaint forms 

American Psychology Association Complaint forms

Dr. Belinda Jo Lopes: Family Court Child Custody Evaluator Accused of Misconduct Surrenders Psychologist License (April 14, 2022) Link  

When I wrote my complaint originally in 2016, it was an exhaustive process and I couldn't finish it. But when I was contacted by this other parent, via YELP of all places, and he connected me to ANOTHER parent who had been abused by this same recommending mediator, I was given a bit more energy to press forward to write my complaint...500 pages!!!! That is how many documentable and factual Exhibits I had proving how much she used my children and partnered with my ex-husband. It is still shocking to think how deliberate she was with her choices. I believe there were a minimum of six parents who had filed complaints against her and up to a dozen. We still don't know exactly how many of us there were. 

So don't give up hope and keep pressing forward if you find you are dealing with someone who is abusing their position of power. Some examples of this might look like the following:

1. Calls from other parent are taken on a Sunday in the evening (past close of business/after hours)

2. Your children are seen by the RM without your knowledge.

3. Your children are given information about the RM decisions before the RM discloses it to you/the parents.

4. The RM tells you that they are the law and that you must follow what they say and not what the court or the police tell you.

5. The other parents' friends or family members show up at the office of the therapist, RM, SM, or evaluator who is working on your current case and there is active conflict already.

6. The RM tells you that you cannot choose a parent/child therapist unless the RM agrees to that person.

7. The RM is unable or unwilling to provide detailed documentation of what they have been charging you for.

8. The RM signs documents with the other parent that have been changed, without your knowledge, and that you were never sent to review or talk about.

9. The RM sends you a text that is meant for the other parent and it talks about "managing" the children or that the children are starting to question the RM authority.

10. The RM texts you saying they couldn't email you back as it was a holiday week, but sent you a text that was meant for the other parent the night before the holiday (same week).

11. The RM charges you for filing documents that the other parent says they took to the courthouse and filed.

12. The RM denegrades you in front of your children with the other parent present.

13. The RM violates the court order, violates the court order in front of the children, violates the court order using the children, or tells the children in front of both parents that what she is doing isn't violating the court order (court orders are not suppose to be discussed in front of the children).

14. The RM shows up at your court hearing, without you telling them when your hearing was or which room it was in, and complains about you to the judge about fees you haven't paid, and even though there is a clear client/RM conflict, the court allows the RM to remain on the case (this is when you realize that the court is participating/contributing in/to the abuse of power).

15. The RM calls CPS as leverage to take the children away from you (when there is no reasonable criteria to call CPS).

16. The RM determines it to be appropriate to act as the child therapist instead of referring out so there is no conflict of interest.

The list goes on. Sometimes it is simply a lack of ability, but in some cases, it truly is misconduct and needs to be dealt with as soon as you can muster up the energy. I believe we have seven years to file a complaint. I thought it was only a year, but I was told it was much longer. One of the other parents took his poor child to another country because of the damage this RM caused him and his child. It is amazing how much power some of these family law-related people have in our lives once we open the divorce door and let them take over our custody decisions.

One co-parenting therapist we had was considered to be one of the best and she had a really hard time sticking to her boundaries with my ex and containing a safe and therapeutic environment in her office (lack of ability). I ended up telling her that if she didn't think she could maintain a safe space for everyone involved, that I needed her to refer us to someone who could. That is when we ended up with a Special Master. Oh the stories!! I do believe thought that she tried, but it was hard to keep up with my ex's confusion tactics. He was really good at it! I just wish he used those smarts for better purposes.

With all this said, there are forms that detail rules of conduct for each worker. The Special Master and Recommending Mediator both have such detailed rules of conduct. I believe that California has since stopped using RM's, but don't quote me on that. Fact check me. The rules of conduct still should be out there on the web though. Google it and let me know. If you have concerns about what your therapist, RM, SM, mediator, or evaluator is doing or not doing, try to look up some of these rules of conduct for each title and see what you find. Set up an initial meeting, which you should not be charged for when discussing your concerns about conduct or fees, and make sure to have the rules of conduct codes written down and clearly state how they have been violated/over stepped. An ethical and professional worker will go over your concerns with you and figure out a solution. Someone who is abusing their position of power will get angry, refuse to discuss it, try to charge you, not let you get a word in, blameshift, and the like to escape admitting any wrongdoing.

Your job is to start the resolution process with your RM or mediator or therapist (whomever you are working with) and document it just in case you need to file a complaint down the road. Unfortunately this is just a reality we have to deal with. The same issue comes up with attorneys, but gosh they sure are difficult to deal with once they mess up, lol!! Stay focused, stay positive, stay hopeful, and surround yourself with people who can be encouraging and uplifting.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, 12 "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to him that is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken."

Proverbs 11:14 "Where there is no guidance the people fall, But in abundance of counselors there is victory."

2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love, and of a sound mind."

Joyfully for God's glory,

Ashley